The Magic Faraway Spree

“I’m sooooo poor,” I sighed dramatically, flopping into a spare chair beside Work Chum.
“Me too,” she said forlornly.
“I just don’t have any money anymore,” I said. “It’s all gone on rent and bills and groceries, although I used to have more left over than I do now…I don’t know what’s happened!”
“I hate being an adult,” she said, thumping down on her keyboard.
“Yeah, me too!” I agreed. “I miss shopping. I miss it so much. My wardrobe just seems so stale and boring now. I need lots of money – a second job or a Lotto win maybe?” I added another dramatic sigh for effect. “I could do with a good healthy shopping spree! I really need a nice new winter coat and some lovely dresses. And shoes! And skirts that aren’t halfway up my arse, because I appear not to have bought a skirt since I was 19 and in college, when it was acceptable to have skirts that short.”
Work Chum laughed.
“And oh God, I need to revamp my underwear drawer,” I said, swinging in the swivel chair. “It’s just depressing at this stage and girls need nice underwear.”
“Yup,” she agreed.
“Not that I have manky greying knickers or anything,” I clarified quickly. “But you know, living with your long-term boyfriend means you stop worrying about how pretty your underwear is or if you’ve nice matching sets. He already knows all your girl secrets and how lace and silk is not a daily occurrence.”
I thought for a second.
“Where do you even by nice underwear these days when you’re an adult?” I asked. “I used to go to La Senza but that’s kind of tacky now.”
“Yeah, I never go there,” Work Chum told me. “I go to M&S.”
“Oh really?”
“Yup or Brown Thomas.”
“Oh yeah, there are some beautiful pieces in there, but they’re all so expensive,” I said.
She nodded. “But I have to go to those places to get bras to fit me.”
“You’re so lucky though,” I told her.
She shook her head. “No, it’s not that fun.”
“Eh, not that fun is being a AA cup up until about two years ago. I was was stuck with training bras or the occasional teeny A cup,” I told her. “It was only when I went on The Pill that I actually got boobs and even now…” I looked down. “Well they’re getting smaller again, because I’ve come off it…I should really get back on it. Just for boobs.”
“Ha, ha ha ha, ‘just for boobs’. But seriously it’s tough,” she told me. “And the bras don’t look that nice – they’re HUGE!”
I laughed. “At least it’s feminine though! You have a lovely curvy shape! I just go straight down in a line.”
We laughed.
“It’s so stressful,” she said.
“Indeed it is,” I agreed. “I think I’ll just go back to vests.”


The Diary of a Pre-Teen -Part 7

I’m afraid this is the last Diary Entry, folks. In this installment, we see pre-teen Hermia battle with the traumas of emerging hormones and impending teenagedom. She also gives an insightful analysis of the Millenium.

Thursday 18th October 1999

Dear Diary,
So I think David and Clare are dating.
I saw them about 2 weeks ago. I got off the school bus at my stop and Clare got off as well even though it wasn’t her stop because she had seen David. So he was walking along where I was and I said Hi and Clare said she was going home and made to walk in the same direction as him, so I headed off. But as I turned around, I saw the two of them moving close together like they were in love.
I just want him to love me. I want him to put his arms around my waist, pull me close, tilt my chin up and kiss me. Then I’d be happy.
But it’s never going to happen.
So I’ll go,

Sunday 21st November

Dear Diary,
Penny got her period on Friday the 12th. I can’t help feeling a bit down. She’s already wearing a bra and I’m still in a vest. It’s really embarrassing in school when we’re changing for PE but I hide it, because if the girls ever found out I’d never live it down. I’m going to try and get one but I’ve nothing to put in it.
Oh yeah, I finished my book Behind You. It ended at 103 pages. I’m re-writing it now.
Alison is my best friend in school now.
Penny is still my best ever friend.
Gotta go,

Saturday 1st January 2000

Can You Believe It Diary?
Today is the first day of the Millenium! At 12 o’clock we ran out onto the road. There were loads of fireworks and bright colours brightening up the dark, black sky and there were green firework fountains and exploding rockets everywhere! And people ran up and down the road wishing everyone a Happy New Millenium and drinking. It was great!
Christmas was good too. I got Penny a Steps tape and she got me a Celine Dion tape.
I don’t like David anymore. Well, it’s a New Year’s resolution. It’s getting ridiculous. I’m daydreaming about him and fantasising about him asking me out. It’s so stupid. It can’t be healthy. So that’s that, I guess.
My Celine Dion tape rocks. I’m listening to it right now.
Going now,

And that’s all, Folks!