The Acceptance of Self

Oh God, it can’t end like this.

How did this even happen!?
How did I get myself into this position!?

Everything had been going so well.
I was happy and comfortable.
I felt warm and safe.
And now there was no way out.

Am I really surprised?
I’m a walking disaster.
Obviously this was the way I was going to go.
No blaze of glory.
No great battle.
Just this.

I tried to shift a little to the right and then to the left.
I was completely stuck.
I was stuck in my swivel chair.

This is unreal.

I tried to untuck my knees from under the arm they were trapped beneath.
They didn’t budge.

“How did I even get them into that gap if I can’t get them out!?” I said out loud.

Oh God, I’m going to have to call the Fire Brigade to rescue me….again.
I’d have to sit here.
Stuck fast.
While they sniggered and chainsawed the chair in half.

Dying of starvation seemed like the better option in that moment.

I tried to move my legs again.

Urgh! This is ridiculous!
I refuse to be shamed like this.
Enough is enough!

I struggled and wriggled from side to side.
The chair was positioned in between my desk and wardrobe so there was little room for it to move.
But I didn’t give up.
I manoeuvred by body into an unnatural position.
And then thump.
I was on the floor.

I hopped up and dusted myself off, taking a quick look out the window to make sure no one had witnessed this recent bout of humiliation.
Thank God no one saw.
Nobody heard anything.
And I didn’t have to call for help.
No one had to know.
I could be embarrassment-free this one time.

I smiled with relief.
And then I sat down at my laptop and began to blog…


9 Comments on “The Acceptance of Self”

  1. Magatha May says:

    You really are a special person

  2. ha. how could you get yourself stuck like that…?! Mind you, it does happen to everyone at some point!!!


  3. It actually happens to me all the time!

  4. hilarious πŸ˜€
    and good luck with the haircut (in a non stalker sense i just remembered seeing it on twitter!)

  5. I truly believe, that there is no panic, like the panic we experience when a bit of us is caught in something else. We immediately begin to visualise life in ten years time still being stuck in what we’re stuck in. As if modern medicine abandoned all attempts at freeing heads from windows or legs from swivel chairs. It’s hilarious!

  6. hehe – once i got my elbows stuck in the back of a kitchen chair – i cried and screamed till my granny rescued me – not very dignified!

  7. lil-bee says:

    LOL, I actually love you πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

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