Paper Weight

Yesterday I bought toilet paper.

In the grand scheme of things, it mightn’t seem like something worth reporting, but I felt it was a turning point.
It ran out about three weeks ago.
For the first while, it wasn’t a problem, I simply put a box of tissues I had lying around into the bathroom and went about my business (no pun intended).
About a week after that, the tissues ran out.

Grocery shopping and general life functioning has been a little beyond me in recent times (see previous post), so it wasn’t a simple matter of going to the supermarket.
The problem needed to be fixed with as little movement on my part as possible.

So I turned to my freakishly large stash of kitchen paper and placed a roll of it in the bathroom.

I don’t know if many of you have used kitchen towel in this manner, but it’s not the softest substance out there.
However I stubbornly continued to use it rather than go to the effort popping out to the shop to get quilted-heaven or even making a note of it to be remembered the next time I left the house.

Yesterday though, in a spacey moment where I zoned out and forgot to take the turn into my still-kinda-new abode, I found myself heading towards the local shop.
I didn’t freak out at the realisation of what I was about to do.
The horror of responsible shopping disappeared and a calm settled over me.
I went into the shop and bought a four-pack of Cushelle toilet paper.
And also bread rolls because I now needed to rebel against something …in this case, my gluten intolerance.
Screw you, Intestines *shakes fist*

I walked home with the smug satisfaction of a grown-up.
That’s right, people, I’m going to use actual toilet paper and it’s not even that cheap stuff -it’s quilted, oooooooo
I dropped my bags and coat in the sitting room and ran up the stairs to the bathroom.
Locking the door, I walked towards the toilet…and realised I’d left the toilet paper downstairs.
I paused for a second and contemplated.
I’d gone to the effort of buying it, so why stop there? I should go down and get it.
But…it was all the way out the door and down the stairs…

And so I used the kitchen towel yet again and the toilet paper is still sitting in that bag in my sitting room waiting to make its way up the stairs.

Baby steps, eh?

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15 Comments on “Paper Weight”

  1. Muzzy Daud says:

    This is truly fascinating! Brilliant piece.

    By the way, I have a new post up about the slang that people use today, it’s funny and satirical and I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on it.

    http://muzzydaudonsports.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/the-phrases-of-the-young/

    Thanks, Muzzy

  2. Magatha May says:

    in the mighty words of Tesco ‘Every little helps’

  3. Roseanna says:

    Haha! The arrangement of toilet paper is really crucial though! We have ours next to the toilet (obv) but then the rest is on the other side of the bathroom. Very tricky situation. You literally have to assess the toilet paper situation by the toilet EVERY time you go. Ah dear, probably didn’t need to talk that much about toilet paper… LOVE that you’re back blogging though πŸ™‚ x

  4. Becca says:

    brilliant piece! such good writing!

    thanks for the comment on my blog πŸ™‚
    XOXO, BECCA
    http://www.fashion-train.co.uk

  5. Karin says:

    Ha, love the fact that a post enitrely about toilet paper can be so entertaining!
    xx

  6. hah, love that post… even if it’s on toilet paper!!!

    And yeah baby steps is good πŸ™‚ I hope you’re keeping your chin up! x

  7. claire says:

    haha funny post! responsible, adult shopping is sort of daunting to me too! baby steps indeed!

    claire,x

    http://moncheri2311.blogspot.com/

  8. blaubushka says:

    one step at a time x…and no kitchen roll isnt great….trust me on this one; never use tissue paper with olbas oil on it!!!!

  9. georgia says:

    The boyf dumped me in the worst possible way even never felt so used or unloved in my life and yet i still wana be able to kiss him. welcome me to your world i hope to be at the toilet roll stage in a month πŸ™‚

  10. amy* says:

    Dear Hermia,
    Because you are endearing & funny and a talented word smith – because your post was was about loo roll and because I read your blog most days, that I can empathise with your current situation I wanted to share this with you from a favourite site http://lolaisbeauty.blogspot.com/2008/11/how-to-crawl-out-of-hole.html …I don’t know but it may help πŸ˜€

    1. Go for a walk in the storm. (Wear brightly coloured wellington boots.)

    2. Book a ticket to your favourite place so you have something to look forward to.

    3. Drink many cups of tea.

    4. Don’t listen to anyone who says you can’t or shouldn’t (or should).

    5. Phone a friend and ask them how they are.

    6. If you can’t sleep, you might as well get up.

    7. Keep a cat (or other furry animal) nearby at all times.

    8. Paint your toenails ruby red.

    9. Stop being nice, start being kind (not excluding yourself).

    10. Allow yourself time to think about the next step without rush or distraction.

    11. My personal advice would be absorb yourself in a very good book.

    Chin up my dear- as a very wise person once said – all this, too will pass.

    Hugs, Amy*

  11. I hate the toilet roll stage. There’s also a ‘no milk in the fridge’ stage and a ‘do I really have to take a shower?’ stage – but everyone’s stages are different. As you said, baby steps.

  12. Orla says:

    hahahaha kitty. I miss u this really cheered me up x

  13. It’s always nice to know that someone else gets excited over the smallest things.. buying toilet paper being one of them! x


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