Musing at the Diner

Sitting in the same area of the same Eddie Rockets that we conducted the first two years of our relationship, I didn’t know what to feel.

“So what happened with you two, or am I allowed to ask?”
It wasn’t the first time I’d been asked and it wasn’t the first time I had to shrug my shoulders and have a quick think about it.
And even with all those opportunities, I was yet to come up with a satisfying answer.

“I dunno,” I told Sinead honestly. “It just wasn’t right anymore.”

We chatted about other long-term couples that had broken up in recent times.
It was the same formula: couple got together during college, stayed together for years, many lived together, everyone thought they’d be together forever and then BAM they were no more.

“I think it’s just the way it is now,” I mused over a chocolate malt. “I mean, years ago people did their Personal Growth thing during the last years of secondary school and in the couple of years afterwards so they had it together by the age of 20. But now, we don’t start until after college and those few years are supposed to be the time you sort yourself out, find out who you are and become comfortable with that. I did my growing as part of a relationship. Most people that do that grow into One Half of a Relationship and not into a person.”

“I know it sounds very American and cringe-worthily clichéd, but I feel like I need to ‘find myself’,” I said. “I’m not sure who I am or what I can handle or even what I want right now. I’m completely different from the Me in my final year in college.”

Sinead nodded her agreement. “You just need to live life a bit and have some fun!”

After a chat about general Life Stuff, I said: “Isn’t it crazy to think back to that summer in the shop five years ago when we had The Plan?”
“Oh God yeah,” said Sinead.
“The guy I liked was away for the summer and you had just met yours and we made a pact to win their hearts. And we did,” I added somewhat triumphantly. “And since then my whole life plan has changed so many times, I’ve had a few other boyfriends and a ridiculously long relationship with a boy I lived with, and now I’ve no idea what I want to do with my life. You also broke up with your guy and you’ve been around the world and you’re moving to Australia next week.”

It was head-spinning to think about all that had changed and how it seemed that all the work I’d put into life over the last few years had been erased and I was starting again.
Out on my own.

“On the plus side,” I said as an after thought, “my conversation topics are far more exciting as a single person than they were as the Long Time Relationship Girl. It’s nice to know there’s a silver lining.”

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10 Comments on “Musing at the Diner”

  1. Chantelle says:

    I know how you feel, I broke with my boyfriend of nearly four years when I was doing my masters. Felt like my entire world had collapsed and I was a total wreck. But you know what? It gets better, better than I could have ever imagined and in my case I learned that the person I thought was the love of my life was the one holding me back all along. It took me months to recover and heal but I got there and I have not looked back. Hope you are doing OK.

  2. Sad face 😦

    Dunno what to say other than I’m glad you are posting again 🙂

  3. Meream says:

    I’ve been “watching from the sidelines” but I’ve been watching. But I have to say this, Catherine, you are an inspiration. The fact that you still continue to write (and beautifully so) is an inspiration. We may not know what’s really happening when you sign out of WordPress or Twitter but methinks that you’re pulling through in the most fabulous manner.

    I salute you from (currently) rainy Philippines 😉

  4. Lauren says:

    😦 I am sad to hear this, but the toughest things in life are the things we need to experience; we do grow in to different people and we’re with people for a reason etc… all the cliches of the day but that’s what life is about. It will get easier and things work out. Good to have you back x

  5. Rachael says:

    Aw, so good to have you back. Sounds cheesy but am looking forward to seeing your journey through the blog…have faith it will be an amazing one!

  6. Blau von T says:

    I cant think of anything that isnt cliche….but I really can relate to this and ‘happiness is just around the corner.’

  7. Skinni Peach says:

    glad to see your back blogging. time is most definitely a healer and you’ll come out stronger in the end. this is a stage of your life that you’ll most likely look back on and pinpoint it as a time when you changed most. The Boy will always be a huge part of your past and Im sure you’ve both learnt so much from your time together, but sometimes, life really does just take over. We’re always changing. Jesus, I’ve changed so much since college and still am changing….hopefully by the time im in my 30’s I’ll have this life thing figured out! Doubt it tho 🙂

  8. Happy to see you back again.

  9. Laura says:

    Welcome back! It does get better, even in dreary Dublin!


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