I am a ShamPosted: March 4, 2011
Lads, I’m so sorry about the last post.
I’m guessing that it was just as boring to read as it was for me to write and I apologise to those of you who gave it a shot out of loyalty.
It’s so mundane that it doesn’t deserve comments, so I’m turning them off.
It will be the leper of the blog posts on A Chick Named Hermia.
I guess it’s just one of those stories that you had to be there to appreciate.
So I’m making up for it with something that never fails to entertain:
A story about a time I frightened the shite out of The Boy.
This is the layout of the far end of our apartment (this will be important so that you can properly imagine the later scenario):
As you all know, one of my favourite pastimes is to jump out from behind random objects or around corners and terrify the living crap out of The Boy.
It’s great craic!
I can’t do it that often though.
If I did it every day, he’d be on his guard.
And that would ruin my fun.
So I space it out.
I was took my time though.
You can get careless if you rush the process and then you waste a rare opportunity.
So I was patient.
The perfect chance came when he went into his bathroom to get ready for bed.
I had a moment of sheer genius.
In our closet, we have a long double-level rail, the top of which is completely filled with clothes.
The lower rail is left empty so we can store laundry bags in the space.
Knowing I had mere minutes, I had to be quick.
I pulled out the laundry bags, ducked under the lower rail and squeezed myself into the limited space between it and the wall…the area marked with the ‘X’ on the diagram.
After a bit of a struggle, I managed to pull the laundry bags back in and I sat (well, stood) in wait.
After a couple of minutes, The Boy came out of the bathroom.
I held my breath.
He could sense I was up to something.
Damn, this could ruin everything.
Those few seconds lasted forever as he just stood there, looking around.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR RRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHH HHHHHHHH”
I pushed the clothes hanging on the rail apart and waved my arms around for extra effect.
He jumped, closed his eyes and clutched his heart (he does that every time…for his health, I should probably stop doing this…soon).
“Did I scare you!?” I asked, with an adorable grin and all the excitement of a 3-year-old on Christmas morning written all over my face.
EDIT: Judging by the comments, the start of this post seems to be making you all think there’s a lot of hand-wringing, sobbing and self-flogging going on in Chez Hermia over the last (uber boring) post.
It’s ok…you can relax, guys.
As you should have gathered by this point, I have a flair for the dramatic when expressing myself, so if I’m thinking “Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, that last post was fairly dull” it comes out as “OMG!!!! I am the WORST person in the ENTIRE WORLD EVER for even THINKING of writing that post! I should be shunned! SHUN ME, PEOPLE!!!”
I like to think it makes things a little more interesting around here!
So you can stop reassuring me in comments that the last post wasn’t the worst thing written since Twilight…I know it wasn’t AWFUL…it was just a bit boring.
But thank you for your support anyway!