Dancing with Myself

Alcohol is great.
No seriously, it is.
It makes you happy.
It makes you feel free.
It can even make you look a million times cooler if you chose the right type of drink.
My current choice is whiskey with a slosh of water and some ice.
On the rocks, if you will.
I won’t lie.
I look like a frickin’ rockstar drinking it!
😀

I know there will be some readers who will say “Tut tut, condoning alcohol, eh? How irresponsible! What if a child reads this!?”
In response to that I’d say, if a child reads this, they’ll have gotten a very helpful lesson in ‘Looking Cool’, so that’s my charity work quota filled for the week.

But seriously, it’s fun to drink as long as you’re not a complete gobsheen about it.
I say this as someone who didn’t drink until they were 20.
I also say it as someone who drinks maybe once/twice a month.
So I AM responsible and stuff and therefore what I say is mature and full of wisdomosity.

There are a few downsides to being a Drunky McDrunkerson.
For me specifically there are two.
Number One: Whatever is in my head, will come out of my mouth.
This is bad.
Number Two: I think I can dance.
This is REALLY bad.

Myself and The Bessie went to The Oak on Saturday night.
In this basement club, there is an empty stage.
It’s just there.
Just asking to be stood on.
I had a bad experience of mixing alcohol with stages back in college.
From that night on, I vowed not to mix the two again.
And then The Oak happened.

I stood at the opposite end of the dance floor, eyeing it warily, daring it to tempt me.
No chance, Mr Stage, you ain’t breaking through my resolve.
Thou shall not pass, and all that.
But then the whiskey happened.
And Mr Stage turned into a pulsating beacon of sunshine and unicorns, pulling me in.
Ten minutes later I had mounted it with The Bessie and our newly-acquired friend, Drunk Guy.

I broke out my awesome dance moves.
My awesome drunk dance moves.
You guys have heard about my sober dancing, so can you image alcohol being added to that mix?
“Man, I’m too hot,” I thought, mauling my own body and waving my hands over my head, while looking down at the ground.
Throw some sweaty hair swishing in for good measure and of course, some hip-swivelling.
Then there was probably twirling and some jerky shoulder movements and pouting.
“I bet I look SO sexy right now” I thought gazing down at my adoring fans, who were all pretending to ignore me.
I think I may have pulled my ‘ghetto’ moves out at some point.
I don’t actually have ‘ghetto’ moves.
I’m whiter than white, lads.
I am Vanilla H.

So in conclusion.
Alcohol = Awesome
Me + Five Glasses of Whiskey = Complete Gobsheen

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20 Comments on “Dancing with Myself”

  1. Jules says:

    haha, great post!! fortunately, now alcohol just sends me to sleep….!!! 🙂 xxx

  2. Magatha May says:

    Facepalm for you!

    Oh the shame of drunken dancing… I too am a little partial so I know your pain.

  3. Orla Hearne says:

    Ha kitty!!!!! U always manage to make my morning!!!! This is Hilarious

  4. theboywhofoundfear says:

    I think I’m a brilliant dancer when drunk!! I cringe so much thinking about it after!! I’m just not very co-ordinated… :/

  5. Polly says:

    I agree, alcohol is great. I only started drinking a lot when I started university and realised the true fun of it haha. Ooh whisky, I’ll have to give it a try! My choice is usually wine or vodka… x

  6. Chloe says:

    LOL! This was SO funny! I love your blog so much!!!!!! That’s the same dancing I do when I’m drunk and I think I look great!

  7. Keelie says:

    LOL!! hilarious Hermia, love the blog 🙂

  8. Karin says:

    Alcohol makes us all think we can dance.. it should be a warning on the label!

  9. Hmmm. I was in The Oak on Saturday night. 🙂

    Well, the people that I saw dancing on stage certainly looked like they were enjoying themselves! No door charge, cheap booze and good choons are all excellent reasons to drink lots and dance like a loon.

  10. burpingbutterfly says:

    Hahah. Drunken dancing is the best! As long as you don’t remember most of your moves the morning after.

  11. Sara says:

    Ah my friend Nips & I used to drink whiskey all the time, until last Halloween, when we/she got horrendously pissed on a bottle of Jack, thank you ke – $ -ha, got on a stage in some little old man pub by Christchurch & did the robot, in a tiny dress, with her knickers showing, & a man dressed as Ronald McDonald. Since we have moved on to beer, but the increasing gravitational force of my ass may reignite the whiskey loving.

  12. Dancing like a loon is probably the best part of being drunk, even better if you’re on a stage. Sometimes I get a bit insecure about it but remind myself that everyone is far too drunk to notice my flail (unless I accidentally hit someone, that is)!

  13. terra says:

    I think “wisdomosity” might just be my new favorite word.

  14. farmerka2 says:

    I love your vocab:
    Gobsheen
    Drunky McDrunkerson

    What does Gobsheen mean? lol 🙂
    -Pink Elephants

    • Ha thanks…it’s a litle unique!

      Ah ok, well the actual word is the Irish slag word “gobshite”…used quite a lot when people are talking crap (gob=mouth, shite=poop). Then if you call someone a gobshite, you’re basically calling them a bloody idiot. Gobsheen is just my own PC version of it! 😀

  15. 'ChRoNo says:

    Got here by a chance.
    I like your blog’s background as well as the whole post.
    Thanks for sharing it through the web. 🙂


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