Let me tell you about the time I….encountered Poo Milk

This is the post you’ve been waiting: the Infamous Poo Milk story.

Myself, The Boy (who at that time was just Boy) and Orla (see above story) were working our usual Saturday morning shift in Lentra.
Orla and I were camped out in the deli and Boy was on the shop floor (probably doing nothing). Following her usual pattern of pulling one of the three of us away from important, stressful jobs to perform stupid tasks that the rest of the staff could do, Weeble asked Orla to put that morning’s milk delivery out on the shelves and she disappeared inside her office.
Orla went about the task, heading in to the back room where the milk was kept, and while I was making a sandwich for a customer a few minutes later, I saw her emerge looking a little perplexed.
As I watched her out of the corner of my eye, she waved over Boy and after a bit of whispering they both went into the back room.
Now after the time we set the frying pan on fire, I knew myself and Orla weren’t the most accomplished shop people, but she could handle putting out the milk stock on her own….right?

When the queue of customers ended, she came out of the back room and over to me.
“Is everything ok?” I asked.
“Eh….” she said, “Can you come into the back for a second?”

When we reached the back room, I saw Boy standing over a package of milk looking puzzled.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“That milk smells funny,” said Orla.
“Is it from this morning’s batch?” I asked.
“Yup!”
“Well if it’s gone off, just let Weeble know,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“No, it’s not gone off,” said Boy mysteriously.
“Look at that,” said Orla, pointing at a brown smudge on the plastic wrapper holding the ten milk containers together.
I looked closer.
“Is that…?”
“It’s shit,” said Boy.
“GROSS!!!! And you put it up on the counter!!!”
“I know!” said Orla. “I can’t put that batch out! It’s not just on the wrapper -it’s touching some of the containers.”
“You’re going to have to tell Weeble,” I told Orla.
“I can’t!” she wailed. “What if I’m wrong and she thinks I’m stupid!”
I leaned closer to the brown stain and sniffed.
“I’m pretty sure it’s poo,” I said.
“I can’t tell her,” said Orla. “She already thinks I’m an idiot!”
“Boy?” I asked.
“I’m not telling her,” he said.
“Hermia, you do it,” said Orla prodding me.
You were supposed to be doing the milk!!”
“But I can’t tell her!”
“How am I supposed to tell our 70+ boss that there’s shit on the milk!?” I said. “I can’t say ‘shit’ to her! And poo makes me sound retarded!”

After much debate, I was emotionally blackmailed into telling Weeble.
Spotting her on the shop floor, I made my way up to her.
“Uhm Weeble,” I said.
“Yes?”
*awkward pause*
“Uhm, can you come take a look at something in the back?” I said eventually.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Well, there’s a bit of a problem with the milk,” I said, vaguely.
“What is it?” she asked again, refusing to move.
Oh God…she was going to make me say it.
“Uhm….there’s something on one of the batches.”
She blinked at me.
“It’s, em, we think it’s….well it’s…poo.”
She blinked again.
“Poo…there’s poo on the milk….eh, yeah, poo,” I continued.
Stop saying ‘poo’, I told myself.
“Okkkk…” she said looking at me as if I was a bit simple and walking into the back.

In the end, it was poo and she returned the order, lashing into milkmen, who as usual looked terrified when they were face to face with her, but then acted like hard men and called her a bitch whenever she was tucked safely away in the back office.
And that was how I ended up saying the word ‘poo’ to my elderly boss several time.

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17 Comments on “Let me tell you about the time I….encountered Poo Milk”

  1. Ok ok…

    1. HOW did shite get on the milk?

    2. Seriously, HOW did shite get on the milk?

    3. Euuuugh

    4. Scundered for you πŸ˜€

  2. Lady Peach says:

    I’ve also working for a Lentra, but nothing ever as amusing as this happened!!
    Great Post πŸ™‚
    Lady Peach
    xXx

  3. Conor says:

    Well, the Poo Milk story had a big name to live up to and did not disappoint! Of course, the big question remains: “Who pooed on the milk?” I suppose, the BORING explanation would be that it was accidentally put down in dog poo by the milkmen, but I’m not ready to rule out that your friend did it to get revenge for the bum touching in that other story. There’s some real motive there… πŸ˜€

  4. Aisling says:

    Ewwww, poop on the milk?! I would have no reservations about saying shit to a 70 year old. How did the poop get there?! Was it HUMAN poop? *shudders*

  5. Magatha May says:

    That story was well worth waiting for – brilliant

  6. Karin says:

    That is sooo disturbing… I can’t decide if I want to know how and where it came from, or if I’d rather just forget that whole story…!
    xx

  7. Jules says:

    urgh, poo on the milk sounds gross, but, still an hilarious story! x

  8. kellebelle says:

    EUGH!!!!!!! Gross… if it wasn’t animal poop then…? *shudderr*

  9. decibelbelownormal says:

    Great story! I once worked in an amusement arcade and I had to say poo to my boss on many occasions. Once a woman/hardcore gambler changed her baby’s nappy on top of a poker machine. This resulted in a poo schmear all over the screen! Thankfully it wasn’t me who had to clean it. Bleurgh.

  10. Blau von T says:

    yuck…and I wont begin to tell you the things I’ve found when working the fitting rooms

  11. Eimear says:

    Ha ha that is beyond gross!!! I too found a similar product of the human variety in a dressing room in a sports shop I used to work in, rotten!!!

  12. Kate says:

    Ewww. That’s pretty funny! : ) The sort of thing you need in order to bring some excitement to a bog standard day! ; )

    Kate x

  13. I have had similar experiences with working a pool, it is indeed awkward “ah there’s poo in the pool” *awkward smile*

  14. Rach says:

    ah the pooey milk story – it didn’t disappoint!


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